Today marks 100 days since I lost my best friend, confidant, co-laborer for Christ, lover, biggest supporter of my dreams, parenting partner and so much more. BUT, and most importantly, today marks 100 days since Annette entered the presence of her Savior, Jesus Christ! I still don't like God's plan, but I still trust it completely.
So many of you have been praying for me and the boys constantly, and I continue to covet those prayers. There have been some rough days for me over the past few weeks. We celebrated Brian's 17th birthday, which was our first holiday type of day since losing Annette. There were lots of memories stirred as we prepared to move into our new home...great memories, but almost proportional is the hurt of just plain missing her. There was the stack of pictures that we used at the Memorial Service in December that I hadn't put away yet but then found as I began packing the garage up last week. Then, today, I was struck by the memories of all the special things Annette did for Brian's classrooms over the years as they celebrated the 100th day of school...the cupcakes made, the silly games they played, and just her love for being able to be a part of the boys' lives and schools. There was the constant excitement over seeing the painting, flooring and decorating come together and wanting to call her to tell her all about the daily changes in the new house.
There have been more and more smiles and laughter happening within our family, and we talk about Annette (mom) often. We thank God often as we pray together that we had such a great life with her, and that we will all three continue to adjust well to life without her here.
Your patience with me is greatly appreciated as I continue to try to find my stride and focus again. I am a "cope by doing" personality by nature, though I'm really trying to slow down now that these big transitions have (hopefully) hit their climaxes. I am constantly trying to "be still and know that He is God." I still struggle with even knowing how exactly to pray for much of what is going on in life and in my spirit. I hold on to Romans 8:26-28, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)
If you are traveling anywhere near the Lear Boys, we would love for you to stop by and visit!
Until the next update, Joey