Saturday, July 26, 2014
Saturday evening thought from July 26,2014...
Beautiful sunset, a campfire, and the Word as I go over my notes for tomorrow. We're looking at Mark 4, the sower and the seed. Thinking through all He is leading, carrying, and at times dragging me through..."His Grace is Enough" by Matt Maher just came on...yeah, God, I get it. Still don't like it from my earthly viewpoint, still trust Your perfect, Heavenly view. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV) And now "Your Love Never Fails (One Thing Remains)" is playing...God rocks. Period.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Emotions...from Thursday, July 24, 2014
A mixture of emotions as I prepare to preach this Sunday for the first time without my favorite critic (Annette Lewis Lear)...though I'm sure I've got plenty of my Mason Dixon Baptist Church Family who will fill in for her!! It's been a good week of VBS, though definitely VERY tough at times. Excited to see where the Missions Offering ends up tomorrow as it is going towards Gospel for Asia Jesus Wells! Just in case you'd like to give, here is the link: https://www.mygfa.org/426/
Saturday, July 19, 2014
I Miss Her...Saturday, July 19, 2014
The past month has been filled, again, with firsts without Annette Lewis Lear. The first Mission Trip without her, the first vacation without her, and next week is the first VBS without her in about 23 years, as we served together even before we were married.
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
The past month has been filled, again, with firsts without Annette Lewis Lear. The first Mission Trip without her, the first vacation without her, and next week is the first VBS without her in about 23 years, as we served together even before we were married.
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
Sunday, July 6, 2014
7 Months...Sunday, July 6, 2014
Today marks 7 months since Annette Lewis Lear finished her race here on earth and went to be with the Lord. It's still very surreal at times, and I miss the best friend I did everything with every single day. But even through the tough days, such as missing her on my first vacation without her for over 20 years, God graciously brings to mind all the great memories we made together. We served Him together on missions trips, vacationed together, laughed OFTEN AND DAILY, worked on our home together, raised our boys together, and tried to honor Him in our lives and our marriage. There have been many times lately when something neat happened to me, and the first thing I thought of doing was picking up the phone and calling her, which is exactly what I did for over 20 years...she was the one I wanted to tell first about anything good, hard, bad, or happy that happened in my life. But I am adjusting, I am still absolutely trusting God's perfect plan for His ultimate glory. I still know that He has me and the boys in His grip, and that He is doing a great work in our lives and in our futures.
Today, on this 7-month anniversary, I will be spending the day at Annette's favorite place to visit, the beach. I'm sure that there will be great joy watching Brian dig for sand crabs and trying to keep every seashell that he finds. I'm sure there will be waves of emotion that hit me as I recall all the great times and the absolute joy on my Annette's face as she watched the sunset and sunrise like it was either her first or last each time. And I'm sure that God has got me right where He wants me...in total reliance on Him. I look forward to Him allowing me to share our story with men's groups, ladies groups, teens, and individuals. And as a confirmation...I am sitting at Ihop with Brian as I write this and one of the workers brought our meals out. I looked up to ask her if there was anything we could pray about for her, and saw that her name is Annette!! Now, this sweet Caribbean lady did not physically resemble Annette , but what an extra joy to share about our Annette quickly and to tell her how much she loved Jesus!!
Thank you for your continued prayer for us. I got to talk to Michael Lear yesterday, and he's doing well and sounded great (an octave or two lower!). Brian Lear and I are just over half way through our time away from home, and I feel like somewhere around last Wednesday, I finally felt totally relaxed. We are looking forward to visiting many of you on our "tour" home. I can truly feel the words of Paul in Philippians 1:3-5, and can say with confidence that "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Today, on this 7-month anniversary, I will be spending the day at Annette's favorite place to visit, the beach. I'm sure that there will be great joy watching Brian dig for sand crabs and trying to keep every seashell that he finds. I'm sure there will be waves of emotion that hit me as I recall all the great times and the absolute joy on my Annette's face as she watched the sunset and sunrise like it was either her first or last each time. And I'm sure that God has got me right where He wants me...in total reliance on Him. I look forward to Him allowing me to share our story with men's groups, ladies groups, teens, and individuals. And as a confirmation...I am sitting at Ihop with Brian as I write this and one of the workers brought our meals out. I looked up to ask her if there was anything we could pray about for her, and saw that her name is Annette!! Now, this sweet Caribbean lady did not physically resemble Annette , but what an extra joy to share about our Annette quickly and to tell her how much she loved Jesus!!
Thank you for your continued prayer for us. I got to talk to Michael Lear yesterday, and he's doing well and sounded great (an octave or two lower!). Brian Lear and I are just over half way through our time away from home, and I feel like somewhere around last Wednesday, I finally felt totally relaxed. We are looking forward to visiting many of you on our "tour" home. I can truly feel the words of Paul in Philippians 1:3-5, and can say with confidence that "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
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