Annette, it's been a year. 365 days. 12 months. 52 weeks. 8,760 hours. However I write it or say it, it's a long time in one sense, and it's just like it all happened yesterday in another. We never went even hours without saying "I love you" to one another. The only days we didn't share many kisses, hand holds, or hugs, were the days where we were physically not together.
We sang together all year round, but especially at this time of year. Man, did we sing together a lot! In church, at home, in the van or truck...worship songs, 80's Rock ballads, Grease Soundtrack, Xanadu Soundtrack (actually, only you loved that one and I just loved that you loved it!), just about every Christmas song that played, and LOTS of just made up lyrics along the way.
We prayed together, often, but that's one thing I wish we'd have done even more of together. We prayed for a family, and God blessed us with that. Then, we REALLY prayed...for patience, much wisdom, guidance and answers. God was so faithful to always provide all that we needed, and most of what we even wanted together.
You were an incredibly powerful woman in a very petite body. You were so much stronger than you ever thought you were. You were wise, calm, focused, and exactly what I wanted and needed. You were a mom to our boys that made an eternal impact. You were a wife to me that went so far above and beyond all I imagined a wife would be. And you were the best friend I could have ever imagined or asked for.
You loved God so much. You weren't judgmental to those you disagreed with. You didn't waste your time on petty, non-Gospel issues. You expected a lot from me as your husband, your best friend, your co-parent, your lover, and your head of household...and I'm so glad you did! You made me a better man, a better dad, and a better person and a better pastor than I was on my own by continually challenging me to be the Godly man, husband, dad, pastor and friend that I am called to be. We grew together to truly be one in Christ.
I hear your laugh often. I sense your "Joe" tone at times like when I'm mixing all different clothes in to wash at one time (I haven't ruined anything yet!). I start to tell you things or pick my phone up to call or text you often. I miss listening to your wisdom and input about most everything. I have awakened with the split second thought that it's a year ago and you're lying next to me in bed.
This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do…to live alone, without the biggest part of my earthly life…to rethink a future that now doesn't include growing old with you…to be the only parent to our two special boys…to raise them in a way that honors God the way we did together, and to do all the little things you did and did SO well.
Would I change things? Would I choose to have you back? As much as I love you, God loves you infinitely more, and He chose to allow you to go home earlier than I would have liked. I wouldn't ask you to leave Heaven, even if I could (that is our ultimate goal as followers of Christ!!). If it were possible, I would re-live this entire year with all of its pains, if it meant I could see you, hold you and kiss you one more time. But I am not living in a life of “what ifs.” I am striving to walk in Him. I've done it well at times this year, and I have fallen and gotten back up at times. I've gained clarity with each passing month, and am learning more and more to be whoever the "new" me is. My life was eternally impacted by the time, friendship and love I was privileged to share with you. Without you, my life will be forever different than I ever thought it would be for as long as I live on this side of Heaven. There will always be a huge part of my heart that is filled with all you were to me, but I'm getting to a point of beginning to dream new dreams, which is strange, since every dream I had dreamed for the past 20-plus years included you. It still hurts to dream of a future without you here, but that hurt is quickly replaced with a joy that comes from knowing you are with our Father (and with your earthly father!). I pray that I will be able to live a life that seeks to honor God, which will also honor the memory of you.
For those reading this and following our journey, thank you for your continued prayers, thoughts, and various forms of contact (calls, cards, texts, emails, etc.)…each one truly seems to come at just the right time! I hope you’ve felt the love that Annette and I shared with one another, which was firmly rooted in our love for God above everything else. I would beg you each to consider the relationships in your life, especially your relationship with your spouse and your family …cherish each moment you have with one another! Forgive OFTEN…share life, live life together. Be sure you are not putting your eternal hope and trust in any of those relationships, as they will end one day. Instead, trust in the one relationship that will last for all of eternity. Put your relationship with God first, and trust in His plan and purpose for your life, and put Him at the center of your earthly relationships.
The boys and I truly continue to covet your prayers and support. I’ve known that this year of firsts was going to be tough, and it has been. Through this year, the journey has been made easier by the love shown to us by so many of you. Over the past few weeks, as I’ve taught through some different aspects of the Christmas story, God has calmed my heart with a few of the names that were given to Jesus: He is the Wonderful Counselor, always here to listen and give guidance; He is the Prince of Peace who continually brings peace back into my life as I seek Him above any anxiousness or concern about my future, whether it’s next week or five years down the road; He is Immanuel, God with me, always with me, always for me, always my all in all.
Have a Merry CHRISTmas!
Seeking Him,
Joey
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Saturday, November 22, 2014
Pre-Holiday Update...
What a strange stage of life’s journey we are walking. It seems as if every day is a series of dichotomies…great visits with my family, which bring with them waves of sorrow. I love sitting and sharing stories about Annette, and yet it’s still so hard. I love being with Betty (Annette’s awesome mom) and talking about Annette and Linden, but again, there is still such great sorrow as we miss those two incredible people who were so influential to our lives. I miss Annette every single day, in everything I see and do, and yet I am praying for God’s timing to bring the right person into my life who will accept me, the boys, the ministry, and just the general craziness of our lives. Like I said…dichotomies!
Tomorrow we are heading to the annual ceremony for the Gift of Life Organ Donation organization. There will be families represented of those who have given and received organ donations within the past year. There is a special part of the ceremony in which we will pin a quilting square onto a large quilt that the organization will use in different ways. We were allowed to design and create Annette’s square, and I am thrilled with how ours turned out as a special lady in our church was able to embroider the square. The design is a picture that Annette loved, and actually wanted to have tattooed on her wrist for our 20th anniversary this year (I know, you may gasp at that…she wanted us both to get tattoos!!). I added part of Matthew 25:20, which is a phrase that I know my sweet girl heard the Lord say as she entered into His Kingdom.
Brian and I will leave right from the ceremony in Harrisburg and head toward Illinois where we will spend the week with Michael in Chicago. We’re going to see the Lighting of the Tree, go to the Ringling Brother’s Circus, and just enjoy our time together. We are all three super excited about the week, and even though I’ll miss being with the whole family, I’m glad it will be completely different than any other year for our first one without Annette and Linden.
I so appreciate the prayers of our friends, family, and those who have just heard our story and followed it for the past 11-1/2 months. Over the past few weeks, I have felt a ramping up of emotions as we approach the first Thanksgiving without, and the one year mark for both Annette, then Linden going to be with the Lord. But through all the waves, God is continually faithful and carries me when I can’t move forward on my own. I love listening to Christmas music and reminiscing about the MANY sing-a-longs Annette and I shared over our 20 years together, and I can’t wait to make cookies and decorate the house when we get home next week. I have pretty much been a Hallmark Channel addict for the past few weeks…DON’T JUDGE ME!! I love the cheesiness, the romance (I never realized how many of these movies have Widows/Widowers!!), and I only miss snuggling up by my girl to watch them together. I will still watch “White Christmas” someday very soon, I’ll still watch “It’s a Wonderful Life,” I’ll still watch the Michael Buble Christmas Special, and I’ll still miss Annette terribly through every one of these awesome things. But, God is healing, He is filling, He is leading, and that’s all I need…I’m trusting His plan. It’s not going to be an easy holiday season, but I pray we will keep Him as the focus above and through our hurt for those who aren’t with us.
And I just want to say one more thing…if you are married, please take time to work on your marriage. If you don’t think you need to work on it, you’re already in trouble. Tell your spouse how much you love them…remember the things that made you fall in love with them, and focus on those things. And, most importantly, put Christ at the center of your marriage. I would give anything to spend another day with Annette as my wife. I know that it’s very easy to take your marriage for granted, but please, right now, work on it. None of us are promised our next breath, and I was so blessed to share in each of Annette’s breaths, right up to her last one. I pray that you can all make your marriages special, and that you will put the work into your marriage that it takes to make it strong. I would not change one thing about what made our marriage and our life together so good, while making the hurt so deep and hard without her!! The pain I feel without Annette is because of the incredible bond we shared together, rooted in Christ, lived out together, and I wouldn’t change it. I can’t do anything more, but if you are reading this and are married, please…well, I already said it above.
Until my next rambling….
Joey
Tomorrow we are heading to the annual ceremony for the Gift of Life Organ Donation organization. There will be families represented of those who have given and received organ donations within the past year. There is a special part of the ceremony in which we will pin a quilting square onto a large quilt that the organization will use in different ways. We were allowed to design and create Annette’s square, and I am thrilled with how ours turned out as a special lady in our church was able to embroider the square. The design is a picture that Annette loved, and actually wanted to have tattooed on her wrist for our 20th anniversary this year (I know, you may gasp at that…she wanted us both to get tattoos!!). I added part of Matthew 25:20, which is a phrase that I know my sweet girl heard the Lord say as she entered into His Kingdom.
Brian and I will leave right from the ceremony in Harrisburg and head toward Illinois where we will spend the week with Michael in Chicago. We’re going to see the Lighting of the Tree, go to the Ringling Brother’s Circus, and just enjoy our time together. We are all three super excited about the week, and even though I’ll miss being with the whole family, I’m glad it will be completely different than any other year for our first one without Annette and Linden.
I so appreciate the prayers of our friends, family, and those who have just heard our story and followed it for the past 11-1/2 months. Over the past few weeks, I have felt a ramping up of emotions as we approach the first Thanksgiving without, and the one year mark for both Annette, then Linden going to be with the Lord. But through all the waves, God is continually faithful and carries me when I can’t move forward on my own. I love listening to Christmas music and reminiscing about the MANY sing-a-longs Annette and I shared over our 20 years together, and I can’t wait to make cookies and decorate the house when we get home next week. I have pretty much been a Hallmark Channel addict for the past few weeks…DON’T JUDGE ME!! I love the cheesiness, the romance (I never realized how many of these movies have Widows/Widowers!!), and I only miss snuggling up by my girl to watch them together. I will still watch “White Christmas” someday very soon, I’ll still watch “It’s a Wonderful Life,” I’ll still watch the Michael Buble Christmas Special, and I’ll still miss Annette terribly through every one of these awesome things. But, God is healing, He is filling, He is leading, and that’s all I need…I’m trusting His plan. It’s not going to be an easy holiday season, but I pray we will keep Him as the focus above and through our hurt for those who aren’t with us.
And I just want to say one more thing…if you are married, please take time to work on your marriage. If you don’t think you need to work on it, you’re already in trouble. Tell your spouse how much you love them…remember the things that made you fall in love with them, and focus on those things. And, most importantly, put Christ at the center of your marriage. I would give anything to spend another day with Annette as my wife. I know that it’s very easy to take your marriage for granted, but please, right now, work on it. None of us are promised our next breath, and I was so blessed to share in each of Annette’s breaths, right up to her last one. I pray that you can all make your marriages special, and that you will put the work into your marriage that it takes to make it strong. I would not change one thing about what made our marriage and our life together so good, while making the hurt so deep and hard without her!! The pain I feel without Annette is because of the incredible bond we shared together, rooted in Christ, lived out together, and I wouldn’t change it. I can’t do anything more, but if you are reading this and are married, please…well, I already said it above.
Until my next rambling….
Joey
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
A Real-Life Example of How Grief Hits...
** Warning…sadness may ensue if you read this, seriously! Don’t want to be a downer, just sharing the rawness of my grief journey tonight **
So this is how it hit tonight…I had a really good day, Brian had a good day, and we had a good evening just kind of chilling. I had seen several stories about Garth Brooks stopping his concert and singing to a lady the other night. She was holding a sign that read “Chemo this morning, Garth tonight.” He sang “The Dance” directly to her and gave her his guitar…very cool. Then, this evening, I saw an interview with him and the lady from the concert and he sang just a few lines of the song, which opened up a flood of memories and thoughts about my girl, Annette. We saw him back in 1990 at The Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, right when he was hitting it big and we loved watching and listening to him over the years. Something tonight just really hit me with the lyrics:
Looking back on the memory of,
the dance we shared 'neath the stars above.
For a moment all the world was right,
how could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end,
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything.
For a moment wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say?
You know, I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life,
It’s better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd have had to miss the dance
So I was still holding on okay, and I took Copper for her evening walk around the neighborhood. As we came to a street nearby, I saw an Ambulance in a driveway. There were no lights on, and I have no idea why it was there, but just seeing it took me back to December 8, 2013, at about 9:30 am, when I was standing outside the Ambulance at church as the paramedics loaded her in. I was very concerned up to that point, but something at that moment, maybe because I wasn’t holding her hand anymore since she was in the squad…it just broke. I felt completely helpless, and it was literally like one of those slow motion, “life flashing before your eyes” moments. I prayed that God would just control the entire situation. I prayed for her healing, but for His will to be done. I selfishly prayed that I didn’t want to lose her, and that I didn’t want my boys to lose their mom, and that she was such a rock for our family and we needed her here. I prayed for peace in the midst of that insane morning, and God provided it. He provided it in the form of church family and friends. He provided peace in the form of Gene being able to get Linden and Betty to York in the snow. He constantly provided it in His “still small voice,” in the midst of all the calls, details, doctors and nurses updates. Many of you may not know that Annette was gone within about an hour of telling me that she had a headache, but that the hospital kept her body going as they prepared her for the organ harvest and donation process. They moved her into an ICU room at York Hospital, and as she lay there, I looked out of her window and there was the most beautiful evergreen tree. The tree seemed completely out of place, but WOW was it beautiful as the snow fell and weighed its branches down…if Annette could have seen that, she would’ve been all smiles!! It was just another gift from God as we prepared to say goodbye to her earthly body.
Tonight, as I walked with Copper, I was listening to some music, and I flipped on a song called “Homesick,” by Mercy Me. God has used this song to calm my soul several times over the past 11 months:
You're in a better place I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord won't You give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord 'cause I don't understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ there are no goodbyes
And in Christ there is no end
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
To see you again to see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord won't You give me strength
To make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
I know I just did my 11-month update yesterday, but many people ask me how I am and how things go. I just wanted to share this simple example of how grief hits, will continue to hit, but how He is STILL faithful, in control, and still in charge of His perfect plan (which I still don’t like, but I still absolutely trust!).
That’s all for tonight…have a blessed night. And PLEASE, cherish those you love, and don’t take today or tomorrow, or any day with them for granted!! Trust in Him, that His Word is true. Know that He will take care of the hurt, the pain, and the sorrow, if you trust in Him. He will bring beauty from the ashes, and I’ve never been more convinced of His promises and His Word than I am as I walk this journey.
Goodnight,
Joey
So this is how it hit tonight…I had a really good day, Brian had a good day, and we had a good evening just kind of chilling. I had seen several stories about Garth Brooks stopping his concert and singing to a lady the other night. She was holding a sign that read “Chemo this morning, Garth tonight.” He sang “The Dance” directly to her and gave her his guitar…very cool. Then, this evening, I saw an interview with him and the lady from the concert and he sang just a few lines of the song, which opened up a flood of memories and thoughts about my girl, Annette. We saw him back in 1990 at The Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, right when he was hitting it big and we loved watching and listening to him over the years. Something tonight just really hit me with the lyrics:
Looking back on the memory of,
the dance we shared 'neath the stars above.
For a moment all the world was right,
how could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye?
And now I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end,
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you, I held everything.
For a moment wasn't I a king?
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey, who's to say?
You know, I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
the way it all would end
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life,
It’s better left to chance
I could have missed the pain,
but I'd have had to miss the dance
So I was still holding on okay, and I took Copper for her evening walk around the neighborhood. As we came to a street nearby, I saw an Ambulance in a driveway. There were no lights on, and I have no idea why it was there, but just seeing it took me back to December 8, 2013, at about 9:30 am, when I was standing outside the Ambulance at church as the paramedics loaded her in. I was very concerned up to that point, but something at that moment, maybe because I wasn’t holding her hand anymore since she was in the squad…it just broke. I felt completely helpless, and it was literally like one of those slow motion, “life flashing before your eyes” moments. I prayed that God would just control the entire situation. I prayed for her healing, but for His will to be done. I selfishly prayed that I didn’t want to lose her, and that I didn’t want my boys to lose their mom, and that she was such a rock for our family and we needed her here. I prayed for peace in the midst of that insane morning, and God provided it. He provided it in the form of church family and friends. He provided peace in the form of Gene being able to get Linden and Betty to York in the snow. He constantly provided it in His “still small voice,” in the midst of all the calls, details, doctors and nurses updates. Many of you may not know that Annette was gone within about an hour of telling me that she had a headache, but that the hospital kept her body going as they prepared her for the organ harvest and donation process. They moved her into an ICU room at York Hospital, and as she lay there, I looked out of her window and there was the most beautiful evergreen tree. The tree seemed completely out of place, but WOW was it beautiful as the snow fell and weighed its branches down…if Annette could have seen that, she would’ve been all smiles!! It was just another gift from God as we prepared to say goodbye to her earthly body.
Tonight, as I walked with Copper, I was listening to some music, and I flipped on a song called “Homesick,” by Mercy Me. God has used this song to calm my soul several times over the past 11 months:
You're in a better place I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you
I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord won't You give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
Help me Lord 'cause I don't understand Your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But even if You showed me, the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home
In Christ there are no goodbyes
And in Christ there is no end
So I'll hold on to Jesus with all that I have
To see you again to see you again
And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord won't You give me strength
To make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now
I know I just did my 11-month update yesterday, but many people ask me how I am and how things go. I just wanted to share this simple example of how grief hits, will continue to hit, but how He is STILL faithful, in control, and still in charge of His perfect plan (which I still don’t like, but I still absolutely trust!).
That’s all for tonight…have a blessed night. And PLEASE, cherish those you love, and don’t take today or tomorrow, or any day with them for granted!! Trust in Him, that His Word is true. Know that He will take care of the hurt, the pain, and the sorrow, if you trust in Him. He will bring beauty from the ashes, and I’ve never been more convinced of His promises and His Word than I am as I walk this journey.
Goodnight,
Joey
Monday, November 10, 2014
Eleven Month Update...
Well, here we are, 11 months into this new chapter. Actually, it seems more like a "sub-chapter" between last December 8 and the last few months. I really have a hard time grasping the fact that it's been almost a year since I kissed my sweet Annette goodbye for the final time in this lifetime, since I stroked her hair, held her hand, and prayed with her. Some of my close friends have mentioned lately that I've been more like myself over the last two months than I have since she went to be with Jesus. I can sense that, too, though "myself" is different than it has ever been. I have learned a LOT about myself this year. I've been challenged in many ways. I've grown to absolutely rely on God like never before, which saddens me that it took this to drive me to that complete reliance. But, I'm here, and it's good, and it's right.
Our family is doing well. We are spending Thanksgiving in Chicago with Michael, and then he'll be home for two weeks over Christmas. Both boys are doing well in school. I've been getting the final boxes unpacked at our new home (FINALLY!), and getting things hung up. There are so many memories in every box, every picture, every meal I cook, everywhere. We had an incredible marriage and an even better friendship. I miss her every day, and so often I reach for my phone and start to call and tell her about something that happened or a thought I had. She was such an encourager to me, supporter, listener...and so much more. I've gotten to the point where I'm excited about the next chapter beginning. Annette and I actually talked about it several times, and it's crazy that the last time was the Tuesday before she passed away. I always thought we were talking about it for her to be ready to move ahead...never thought it would be me. Anyway, it's in His hands!
Thanks so much for the continued prayer for me and the boys. We are walking the journey, and absolutely trusting His leading. I pray that I don't get ahead of His timing, and that our family can be used to be a strong testimony for Him. I'm at a point of better clarity than I've been in a long time, and I pray constantly that as He gives me wisdom, I follow it.
Until next month,
Joey
Our family is doing well. We are spending Thanksgiving in Chicago with Michael, and then he'll be home for two weeks over Christmas. Both boys are doing well in school. I've been getting the final boxes unpacked at our new home (FINALLY!), and getting things hung up. There are so many memories in every box, every picture, every meal I cook, everywhere. We had an incredible marriage and an even better friendship. I miss her every day, and so often I reach for my phone and start to call and tell her about something that happened or a thought I had. She was such an encourager to me, supporter, listener...and so much more. I've gotten to the point where I'm excited about the next chapter beginning. Annette and I actually talked about it several times, and it's crazy that the last time was the Tuesday before she passed away. I always thought we were talking about it for her to be ready to move ahead...never thought it would be me. Anyway, it's in His hands!
Thanks so much for the continued prayer for me and the boys. We are walking the journey, and absolutely trusting His leading. I pray that I don't get ahead of His timing, and that our family can be used to be a strong testimony for Him. I'm at a point of better clarity than I've been in a long time, and I pray constantly that as He gives me wisdom, I follow it.
Until next month,
Joey
Thursday, October 9, 2014
10 Month Update...
It just doesn't seem possible that it's been ten months since my life was altered for as long as I will live on this side of heaven, but it has been ten months. Ten months since I held her hand, heard her say she loved me, made dinner together with her, talked about our dreams, worshiped by her side, prayed with her, and the list seems endless. It is a terrible pain to miss the person I have been closest to and loved more than any other for so long and so deeply. But, I wouldn't change a single thing about our love for each other that causes it to hurt so badly now. I pray that everyone would have a love in their lives that, were they to be parted by death, would leave such pain as I am feeling. The hard times are a little more spread out now, but they are deeper when they hit, and I continue to just walk through them and grow.
Someone asked me recently what I attributed our great relationship to, and it was an easy answer for me. Our friendship (we just plain liked each other), our ability to let stuff go, our affection for one another, our desire to always try to please the other (we knew each other's "love language"), and above all else, these were ALL rooted deeply in our love for the Lord.
I feel that through this past month, I've gained more clarity in my life than I've had since last December. I finally have been able to plan more than a few days or weeks out. I'm able to read more than just a sentence or two and actually comprehend without several re-reads! God has taught me so much about myself over the past ten months...some things that I don't like and am working through, and some things that I never thought I would be able to do, He's shown me that I can. I am learning a lot about my boys, and praise God that they are both growing and maturing in Him and in life. Brian and I are actually headed out to see Michael earlier this week, and he is doing great at the Ranch. He should graduate his program in late January or at least by mid-February. Brian is having a great junior year so far, and I can't say enough positives about the teachers and staff at Dallastown High!! I have postponed my trip to India with Gospel for Asia since Michael will be coming home around the time I would've been going, and we will need to all three be together when he comes home.
My church, Mason Dixon Baptist, has been nothing short of phenomenal as we are all walking this journey together. Annette is missed by so many more people than just me and my family. Even though I know this, I realize that I don't always acknowledge it the best. I've read that this happens with the grief process, and adding the fact that I'm just a slow man to the equation explains it even more. Thank you for the continuous notes, texts, calls and cards...it seems like every one comes right when I need them!
I'll close this ten month update with this thought. When God called Annette home last December, my girl was ready and left nothing in her life undone. Yes, there was some laundry and silly things waiting for me to finish, but as far as living her life and loving those around her and being a true reflection of Christ...it was all done and done WELL!! This has been part of my prayer life for the past few weeks, to make sure I'm living in a way that gets the most out of life on this side of heaven so that I'm ready when it's my time to go where Annette is already.
I am looking forward to getting through this first year and especially through Christmas. Last year was pretty much a blur as Annette's awesome dad, Linden, went to be with the Lord just days before Christmas. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had my first listen of the season of Michael Buble's Christmas album yesterday and today...I can hear Annette sighing now as she was playfully annoyed with me last October when I started listening to it!
I do so appreciate the prayers and thoughts for me and the boys. I'm striving to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that I'm called to be, and I will take all the prayers I can get!! I've been reminded by some good friends that God has given me a special ministry that I never planned on or wanted, but He continues to bring others in my path who are walking this same, hard journey. I have said that I don't want to walk through this just to walk through it, I want God to use it for His Kingdom and His glory.
Until next month's journey update,
Joey
Someone asked me recently what I attributed our great relationship to, and it was an easy answer for me. Our friendship (we just plain liked each other), our ability to let stuff go, our affection for one another, our desire to always try to please the other (we knew each other's "love language"), and above all else, these were ALL rooted deeply in our love for the Lord.
I feel that through this past month, I've gained more clarity in my life than I've had since last December. I finally have been able to plan more than a few days or weeks out. I'm able to read more than just a sentence or two and actually comprehend without several re-reads! God has taught me so much about myself over the past ten months...some things that I don't like and am working through, and some things that I never thought I would be able to do, He's shown me that I can. I am learning a lot about my boys, and praise God that they are both growing and maturing in Him and in life. Brian and I are actually headed out to see Michael earlier this week, and he is doing great at the Ranch. He should graduate his program in late January or at least by mid-February. Brian is having a great junior year so far, and I can't say enough positives about the teachers and staff at Dallastown High!! I have postponed my trip to India with Gospel for Asia since Michael will be coming home around the time I would've been going, and we will need to all three be together when he comes home.
My church, Mason Dixon Baptist, has been nothing short of phenomenal as we are all walking this journey together. Annette is missed by so many more people than just me and my family. Even though I know this, I realize that I don't always acknowledge it the best. I've read that this happens with the grief process, and adding the fact that I'm just a slow man to the equation explains it even more. Thank you for the continuous notes, texts, calls and cards...it seems like every one comes right when I need them!
I'll close this ten month update with this thought. When God called Annette home last December, my girl was ready and left nothing in her life undone. Yes, there was some laundry and silly things waiting for me to finish, but as far as living her life and loving those around her and being a true reflection of Christ...it was all done and done WELL!! This has been part of my prayer life for the past few weeks, to make sure I'm living in a way that gets the most out of life on this side of heaven so that I'm ready when it's my time to go where Annette is already.
I am looking forward to getting through this first year and especially through Christmas. Last year was pretty much a blur as Annette's awesome dad, Linden, went to be with the Lord just days before Christmas. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had my first listen of the season of Michael Buble's Christmas album yesterday and today...I can hear Annette sighing now as she was playfully annoyed with me last October when I started listening to it!
I do so appreciate the prayers and thoughts for me and the boys. I'm striving to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that I'm called to be, and I will take all the prayers I can get!! I've been reminded by some good friends that God has given me a special ministry that I never planned on or wanted, but He continues to bring others in my path who are walking this same, hard journey. I have said that I don't want to walk through this just to walk through it, I want God to use it for His Kingdom and His glory.
Until next month's journey update,
Joey
Saturday, September 6, 2014
Nine Month Update...
Well, I’m a day early. Tomorrow (Sunday) marks 9 months since I lost the physical presence of Annette in my life. It is still completely surreal, it still hurts, it’s still an adjustment, it is still real. I continue to acknowledge that I don’t like God’s plan from my close-up, short distance vision. BUT, I continue to hold tighter than ever to the faith that His Heavenly plan is so perfect, so much better than I will ever be able to understand until I’m with Him and it all makes such complete sense.
There are still many firsts to come, and I’m just walking through each one. There are waves that hit at times when I least expect them, like while I was grocery shopping last evening. Such a silly thing, but we had lots of fun doing that together. I’d continue to try to add things to our cart, she would make sure we had the things we needed, we’d sing along to the classic songs playing, last night it was “Escape (the Pina Colada Song)!” I was fine as I walked up and down the aisles, then, somewhere around the dairy section, it just hit me. It was like we were there shopping together, and I just smiled and remembered so many more of the things I loved about nights like last night. Probably didn’t help the recovery any while Brian and I sat and watched “Must Love Dogs” together. It was a tough night, but a really good night.
Brian has settled right into 11th grade, and his teachers are all familiar to him and with him. I met them at “Meet the Teacher Night,” which was another tough “first,” but ended up being another good night. Michael is making some really good progress at the Ranch. Brian and I will go see him at the end of this month, and then he will come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas…hopefully for good soon after the New Year!
I am doing really well overall. I continue to walk through each day, to rely on the Lord like never before. A good friend encouraged me long ago in this process to “lean into it,” which is what I try to do most days. I am finally to a point of feeling more and more like myself, even though it is a different “me” than I’ve ever known, and ever thought I’d know. I’m able to make some plans a little further out than a few days, which was very hard to do for much of the first six months. I’m excited about the chance to go to India with Gospel for Asia in February, and we will be taking our Senior High Youth to Jamaica next June (NOT at a Resort area!). God continues to show me small snippets of His plan at a time, which He knows is all I can really process at this time. Patience is NOT a strong point of mine, but wow, has He shown me the necessity of it over the past nine months!!
I would ask that you continue to lift the up the boys and myself in prayer. I pray often to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. He reminds me constantly that His mercies are new every morning, and that He has a plan for me that He is slowly unfolding. Right now, His plan is for me to grow in Him, to be the dad that I need to be to my boys, and to just rest in Him, walk with Him, lean into my situation in Him, and let Him control my today and my future. I do it ok some days…some days I fall flat on my face…some days I lose focus of the fact that He is leading. I know that whatever is in my future, it is good, right and part of His perfect plan. I have some strong, Godly people in my life who help hold me spiritually accountable in the decisions I make and in how I’m walking in general. I so appreciate the friends who have been walking this walk beside me, sometimes pulling me along, sometimes knocking me in the head, sometimes just crying with me. You know who you are, whether you live five miles away or somewhere far away, just know that your notes, cards, texts, emails and most definitely your prayers are appreciated more than I could ever adequately express. I know it’s hard, awkward, and even uncomfortable at times to walk this walk, but again, thank you for being willing to walk it with my family. I have learned how times like can really bring out true friendship and love for others in some people, many who I never expected!
Until the next update,
Joey
There are still many firsts to come, and I’m just walking through each one. There are waves that hit at times when I least expect them, like while I was grocery shopping last evening. Such a silly thing, but we had lots of fun doing that together. I’d continue to try to add things to our cart, she would make sure we had the things we needed, we’d sing along to the classic songs playing, last night it was “Escape (the Pina Colada Song)!” I was fine as I walked up and down the aisles, then, somewhere around the dairy section, it just hit me. It was like we were there shopping together, and I just smiled and remembered so many more of the things I loved about nights like last night. Probably didn’t help the recovery any while Brian and I sat and watched “Must Love Dogs” together. It was a tough night, but a really good night.
Brian has settled right into 11th grade, and his teachers are all familiar to him and with him. I met them at “Meet the Teacher Night,” which was another tough “first,” but ended up being another good night. Michael is making some really good progress at the Ranch. Brian and I will go see him at the end of this month, and then he will come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas…hopefully for good soon after the New Year!
I am doing really well overall. I continue to walk through each day, to rely on the Lord like never before. A good friend encouraged me long ago in this process to “lean into it,” which is what I try to do most days. I am finally to a point of feeling more and more like myself, even though it is a different “me” than I’ve ever known, and ever thought I’d know. I’m able to make some plans a little further out than a few days, which was very hard to do for much of the first six months. I’m excited about the chance to go to India with Gospel for Asia in February, and we will be taking our Senior High Youth to Jamaica next June (NOT at a Resort area!). God continues to show me small snippets of His plan at a time, which He knows is all I can really process at this time. Patience is NOT a strong point of mine, but wow, has He shown me the necessity of it over the past nine months!!
I would ask that you continue to lift the up the boys and myself in prayer. I pray often to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. He reminds me constantly that His mercies are new every morning, and that He has a plan for me that He is slowly unfolding. Right now, His plan is for me to grow in Him, to be the dad that I need to be to my boys, and to just rest in Him, walk with Him, lean into my situation in Him, and let Him control my today and my future. I do it ok some days…some days I fall flat on my face…some days I lose focus of the fact that He is leading. I know that whatever is in my future, it is good, right and part of His perfect plan. I have some strong, Godly people in my life who help hold me spiritually accountable in the decisions I make and in how I’m walking in general. I so appreciate the friends who have been walking this walk beside me, sometimes pulling me along, sometimes knocking me in the head, sometimes just crying with me. You know who you are, whether you live five miles away or somewhere far away, just know that your notes, cards, texts, emails and most definitely your prayers are appreciated more than I could ever adequately express. I know it’s hard, awkward, and even uncomfortable at times to walk this walk, but again, thank you for being willing to walk it with my family. I have learned how times like can really bring out true friendship and love for others in some people, many who I never expected!
Until the next update,
Joey
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Update at 8 Months
It doesn't seem possible that it's been 8 months since Annette left this world for her eternal home. But it's definitely real and, so often, surreal. I shared with some friends this week that it feels as if I'm living in someone else's life. My awesome sister, Anissa Lear Powers, responded by saying "you are, it's your new life." Big sisters (and women in general) are so often correct! This is my new life. It's not the life I asked for or wanted or even really like at times...those times when I so easily lose focus of the fact that my life is not really my own.
When I forget that God gave me life, and then I gave control of this life back to Him when I accepted His gift of offering to allow me to have a relationship with Him. I didn't just give Him all the sin (the wrong and selfish things I've done) and allow Him to cover the penalty of all of that for me. Yes, I am glad to continually give those things to Him (especially the penalty part), but I so often try to hold on to and try to control the other things in my life. I try to figure out what my future is going to be like. I attempt to lay it all out in “Joey’s Plan.” But there is a MAJOR flaw in “Joey’s Plan.” My plan so often is dependent on what I can accomplish, what my strength will carry, on what my vision views as “good.” The vision part alone should make me sit up and immediately re-evaluate what I’m doing as I need my tri-focal glasses (yes, TRI!) to read close up, see a computer screen a foot away, and see things clearly at a distance! But, one thing I know about myself, is that I’m a slow learner. My high school football coach, Dick Krohl, use to say to me, “Lear, you are S-L-O-U-G-H!” Fortunately, I’m not quite as slow mentally as I am physically!
I have been learning a lot about myself over the past 8 months. Some things I’ve learned I really don’t like about myself, like how I wasn’t as honest and transparent as I need to be (with others and with myself). Life, as I’ve been reminded, is short. I don’t have time to waste on making my life look like it’s all put together in a pretty little box, with a perfectly tied bow. If you’ve ever received a wrapped gift from me, you will know that I am incapable of wrapping something that looks like that! My cuts are choppy (which I blame on a shortage of the green handled, left-handed scissors in elementary school!), I use way too much tape, the bow will be a little off-centered (if on there at all!)…you get the picture. Well, that’s my life…BUT, what I’m learning is that all this stuff on the outside isn’t that important. It’s what I am doing with all the Lord has blessed me with that matters…period! I know it’s a little uncomfortable to hear what God is doing in me sometimes. It’s not always comfortable for me to share how much I miss the girl I shared more with than any other human for over half of my life. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I do need to ask for help at times. It’s just plain hard to be alone so often, though I understand that for right now, it is necessary. I’m learning that I can be alone without being lonely (though, I do feel lonely often…it’s definitely a process!). I’m learning that I don’t need to be anxious about the future, because He already has it all planned for me…I simply need to submit to His itinerary and be faithful walking through and being in His plan for my life.
The boys are doing well. Brian and I have spent some very sweet time together this summer, and I have gotten to know him even better and enjoy him even more! Michael is doing very well as he works through his program at the Boy’s Ranch. I miss him, and am so proud that he has made “Phase 2” now, which means we get to speak weekly. I am going to see him this week and we’ll get to spend a few days together.
There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that I have probably heard a hundred times, but had not stopped to really listen to until Friday. It came on the radio at just the right time for me, and it speaks so well about where I am in life right now. Give it a listen. Please continue to lift me and the boys up in prayer. Thank you for the many messages, calls and texts you send!
In His Grip, Joey
When I forget that God gave me life, and then I gave control of this life back to Him when I accepted His gift of offering to allow me to have a relationship with Him. I didn't just give Him all the sin (the wrong and selfish things I've done) and allow Him to cover the penalty of all of that for me. Yes, I am glad to continually give those things to Him (especially the penalty part), but I so often try to hold on to and try to control the other things in my life. I try to figure out what my future is going to be like. I attempt to lay it all out in “Joey’s Plan.” But there is a MAJOR flaw in “Joey’s Plan.” My plan so often is dependent on what I can accomplish, what my strength will carry, on what my vision views as “good.” The vision part alone should make me sit up and immediately re-evaluate what I’m doing as I need my tri-focal glasses (yes, TRI!) to read close up, see a computer screen a foot away, and see things clearly at a distance! But, one thing I know about myself, is that I’m a slow learner. My high school football coach, Dick Krohl, use to say to me, “Lear, you are S-L-O-U-G-H!” Fortunately, I’m not quite as slow mentally as I am physically!
I have been learning a lot about myself over the past 8 months. Some things I’ve learned I really don’t like about myself, like how I wasn’t as honest and transparent as I need to be (with others and with myself). Life, as I’ve been reminded, is short. I don’t have time to waste on making my life look like it’s all put together in a pretty little box, with a perfectly tied bow. If you’ve ever received a wrapped gift from me, you will know that I am incapable of wrapping something that looks like that! My cuts are choppy (which I blame on a shortage of the green handled, left-handed scissors in elementary school!), I use way too much tape, the bow will be a little off-centered (if on there at all!)…you get the picture. Well, that’s my life…BUT, what I’m learning is that all this stuff on the outside isn’t that important. It’s what I am doing with all the Lord has blessed me with that matters…period! I know it’s a little uncomfortable to hear what God is doing in me sometimes. It’s not always comfortable for me to share how much I miss the girl I shared more with than any other human for over half of my life. It’s hard for me to accept the fact that I do need to ask for help at times. It’s just plain hard to be alone so often, though I understand that for right now, it is necessary. I’m learning that I can be alone without being lonely (though, I do feel lonely often…it’s definitely a process!). I’m learning that I don’t need to be anxious about the future, because He already has it all planned for me…I simply need to submit to His itinerary and be faithful walking through and being in His plan for my life.
The boys are doing well. Brian and I have spent some very sweet time together this summer, and I have gotten to know him even better and enjoy him even more! Michael is doing very well as he works through his program at the Boy’s Ranch. I miss him, and am so proud that he has made “Phase 2” now, which means we get to speak weekly. I am going to see him this week and we’ll get to spend a few days together.
There is a song by Steven Curtis Chapman that I have probably heard a hundred times, but had not stopped to really listen to until Friday. It came on the radio at just the right time for me, and it speaks so well about where I am in life right now. Give it a listen. Please continue to lift me and the boys up in prayer. Thank you for the many messages, calls and texts you send!
In His Grip, Joey
Sunday, August 3, 2014
From Annette's Celebration of Life Service
Many folks have asked for a copy of what I shared about Annette at her Celebration of Life Service in December. I hadn't been able to read through it and make it as close to what I actually said as possible, until tonight. Great time this evening thinking about her and going back over our life together. Well, here it is:
Who was Annette Lear?
Annette, Ms. Annette, Nettie, Mom, Honey...all are names given to the lady who became my best friend, my wife, and mom to two special boys.
The first time I remember seeing Annette at Lord Fairfax Community College, she was wearing this awesome suede jacket with fringed sleeves…VERY Bon Jovi-ish! Dating her was so much fun and three years seemed to fly by before we were married on May 28, 1994. As a young couple, we had a tremendous amount of things in common, and because of our love for one another, we could appreciate those things that we didn’t have in common. She got me to watch chick-flicks...and like them! “A Walk in the Clouds” became our favorite movie to watch as a couple. She learned to at least “like” sports for me. I was into NASCAR, and she would sit and read while I watched. Then she began paying a little bit of attention, and then it got to the point where she would turn on the NASCAR race first! She would watch the Redskins games with me, and even let me believe each year that it was going to be THE year for them. She encouraged me as I attempted to learn how to become a handyman. She never gave me any grief about stepping through the ceiling in our first home…just a week after moving in! And we both learned to absolutely love the other’s crazy family, many of which are right here today!
Being married to Annette was truly a privilege. We grew together for over 19-1/2 years to be so much more than just husband and wife. We really sought to find joy in our life together even through any trial that came along. I knew that no matter what, my Annette was going to be standing there with me. Through bad decisions, and I made many! Through dumb ideas, and I had many! And through the absolute incredible times that we shared together. She was the first one I wanted to call when I was excited about something, and she was the last one I wanted to see as I went to bed at night.
We loved serving our Lord together...Annette epitomized the phrase “servants heart.” She loved working with young children, leading the pre-k and kindergarten groups at MANY VBS weeks. She loved serving alongside me with the youth. We would talk often about our current youth, the lights that they were and the gifts we saw in them. We loved watching the youth grow up to be Godly young men and women, inviting us to weddings, seeing them start their own families, and praying that some seeds that we planted over our time with them would grow in their lives.
Annette and I discussed while we were dating the shared desire to adopt one day. We ended up adopting our two boys through the foster care system, and wow was she a great mom! In our special family, Annette was mom, social worker, transport coordinator, advocate, and an example to our boys of what a Godly woman, wife and mom is to look like.
Annette was an avid reader. I mean she would read to just read sometimes! But Annette loved Jesus more than she loved anything else, and every part of her life was affected in a positive way because of it. She loved watching people grow in their walks with the Lord, and she had a great Spiritual gift of discernment and would quickly grow tired of anything that was not making the Kingdom grow. She didn’t have time for petty quarrels. She had great compassion for folks, and had a way of sweetly delivering truth from God’s Word, while not destroying someone’s spirit. One of her closest friends said to me: “Annette was one of the few people who could tell me like it is and I still loved her.” And some of you here today, dear friends of hers, she would say a gentle “suck it up and get right with God” to you today!
I could go on and on about my sweet, beautiful, “smokin’ hot,” funny, intelligent, loving and, most importantly, Godly wife, but she would not be happy, because she didn't want to be the center of attention in public, but thank you Annette for loving being the center of my earthly life.
I can tell you that Annette loved her two (actually, three, including me!) boys. She did so much more for us than was ever just necessary.
Michael, she loved you and wanted so much for you to become the man of God that we know you can be. She did not leave or give up on you!
Brian, you and mom had an incredible bond, and she loved being your mom so much for the past 15 plus years. God made you just the way He wants you, and mom loved being your helper and she was the greatest encourager of your life!
Linden and Betty, you guys are such a huge reason why I’m able to so easily share great things about your little girl. Thank you for accepting me into the family, thank you for teaching her and providing a Godly example for her to follow. Linden, you are a strong man, and Annette was so much stronger than she ever thought she was, and she got that from you. Betty, you two shared an incredible bond, and she loved your talks, and baking with you, being a nurse to you, and just being your daughter.
Gene, she loved her big brother, even if you did slam that glass storm door on her arm over 35 years ago! She was so glad when you and Anne were married...both times!
Maddie, you have so many of the same traits that your Aunt Nettie had, and we pray for you often as you have grown into a beautiful young lady. She loved you so much.
I look around this room and see so many faces of people Annette loved, people who made an impact on her life, and I see a room FULL of people who have been impacted by her! I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for the outpouring of love and support from you all. The boys and I absolutely covet your prayers as we begin a new chapter in our lives.
I stand here today a better man for having known Annette. A loved man, having been loved by Annette. And a grieving man, having lost Annette. But I know that she is with her Savior today, talking with so many of those she loved who had gone before her.
I want to share some verses from Proverb 31 that really show who my Annette was at her core:
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. [Annette was worth so much more than any precious jewel!]
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. [she was always looking out for her family!]
She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her. [WOW, could that girl cook and keep her boys WELL-fed!]
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. [Annette didn’t buy fields, but we planted many gardens together, and she loved canning those vegetable for her family. She was a small lady, but she was SO strong in the Lord!]
She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [Annette absolutely loved helping others any way she could! She also made sure that her boys looked their best! Snow? She LOVED snow. This past Sunday, when the hospital moved her to the ICU room, there was a snow covered Evergreen tree right outside her window, and she would have loved watching the snow accumulate on it!]
She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. [Annette made MANY fleece blankets for nieces, nephews, friends, and me(Redskins on one side, Virginia Tech on the other!) I see several faces here today who have benefited from her bed coverings!]
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. [Annette was never worried about what would ultimately happen to her…she KNEW that she was in a right relationship with God! This verse mentions laughing, man, did I love to hear her laugh!!]
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV) [Annette spoke wisdom, she spoke and lived kindness, she was not an idle person, and her boys indeed called her “blessed.” And I, as her husband for almost twenty years, LOVED to praise her, spoil her, make her laugh, and just live life in Him together. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, and I am truly blessed to have called Annette Lear my wife, my best friend, and my sister in Christ.]
Who was Annette Lear?
Annette, Ms. Annette, Nettie, Mom, Honey...all are names given to the lady who became my best friend, my wife, and mom to two special boys.
The first time I remember seeing Annette at Lord Fairfax Community College, she was wearing this awesome suede jacket with fringed sleeves…VERY Bon Jovi-ish! Dating her was so much fun and three years seemed to fly by before we were married on May 28, 1994. As a young couple, we had a tremendous amount of things in common, and because of our love for one another, we could appreciate those things that we didn’t have in common. She got me to watch chick-flicks...and like them! “A Walk in the Clouds” became our favorite movie to watch as a couple. She learned to at least “like” sports for me. I was into NASCAR, and she would sit and read while I watched. Then she began paying a little bit of attention, and then it got to the point where she would turn on the NASCAR race first! She would watch the Redskins games with me, and even let me believe each year that it was going to be THE year for them. She encouraged me as I attempted to learn how to become a handyman. She never gave me any grief about stepping through the ceiling in our first home…just a week after moving in! And we both learned to absolutely love the other’s crazy family, many of which are right here today!
Being married to Annette was truly a privilege. We grew together for over 19-1/2 years to be so much more than just husband and wife. We really sought to find joy in our life together even through any trial that came along. I knew that no matter what, my Annette was going to be standing there with me. Through bad decisions, and I made many! Through dumb ideas, and I had many! And through the absolute incredible times that we shared together. She was the first one I wanted to call when I was excited about something, and she was the last one I wanted to see as I went to bed at night.
We loved serving our Lord together...Annette epitomized the phrase “servants heart.” She loved working with young children, leading the pre-k and kindergarten groups at MANY VBS weeks. She loved serving alongside me with the youth. We would talk often about our current youth, the lights that they were and the gifts we saw in them. We loved watching the youth grow up to be Godly young men and women, inviting us to weddings, seeing them start their own families, and praying that some seeds that we planted over our time with them would grow in their lives.
Annette and I discussed while we were dating the shared desire to adopt one day. We ended up adopting our two boys through the foster care system, and wow was she a great mom! In our special family, Annette was mom, social worker, transport coordinator, advocate, and an example to our boys of what a Godly woman, wife and mom is to look like.
Annette was an avid reader. I mean she would read to just read sometimes! But Annette loved Jesus more than she loved anything else, and every part of her life was affected in a positive way because of it. She loved watching people grow in their walks with the Lord, and she had a great Spiritual gift of discernment and would quickly grow tired of anything that was not making the Kingdom grow. She didn’t have time for petty quarrels. She had great compassion for folks, and had a way of sweetly delivering truth from God’s Word, while not destroying someone’s spirit. One of her closest friends said to me: “Annette was one of the few people who could tell me like it is and I still loved her.” And some of you here today, dear friends of hers, she would say a gentle “suck it up and get right with God” to you today!
I could go on and on about my sweet, beautiful, “smokin’ hot,” funny, intelligent, loving and, most importantly, Godly wife, but she would not be happy, because she didn't want to be the center of attention in public, but thank you Annette for loving being the center of my earthly life.
I can tell you that Annette loved her two (actually, three, including me!) boys. She did so much more for us than was ever just necessary.
Michael, she loved you and wanted so much for you to become the man of God that we know you can be. She did not leave or give up on you!
Brian, you and mom had an incredible bond, and she loved being your mom so much for the past 15 plus years. God made you just the way He wants you, and mom loved being your helper and she was the greatest encourager of your life!
Linden and Betty, you guys are such a huge reason why I’m able to so easily share great things about your little girl. Thank you for accepting me into the family, thank you for teaching her and providing a Godly example for her to follow. Linden, you are a strong man, and Annette was so much stronger than she ever thought she was, and she got that from you. Betty, you two shared an incredible bond, and she loved your talks, and baking with you, being a nurse to you, and just being your daughter.
Gene, she loved her big brother, even if you did slam that glass storm door on her arm over 35 years ago! She was so glad when you and Anne were married...both times!
Maddie, you have so many of the same traits that your Aunt Nettie had, and we pray for you often as you have grown into a beautiful young lady. She loved you so much.
I look around this room and see so many faces of people Annette loved, people who made an impact on her life, and I see a room FULL of people who have been impacted by her! I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I am for the outpouring of love and support from you all. The boys and I absolutely covet your prayers as we begin a new chapter in our lives.
I stand here today a better man for having known Annette. A loved man, having been loved by Annette. And a grieving man, having lost Annette. But I know that she is with her Savior today, talking with so many of those she loved who had gone before her.
I want to share some verses from Proverb 31 that really show who my Annette was at her core:
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. [Annette was worth so much more than any precious jewel!]
The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. [she was always looking out for her family!]
She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her. [WOW, could that girl cook and keep her boys WELL-fed!]
She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. [Annette didn’t buy fields, but we planted many gardens together, and she loved canning those vegetable for her family. She was a small lady, but she was SO strong in the Lord!]
She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. [Annette absolutely loved helping others any way she could! She also made sure that her boys looked their best! Snow? She LOVED snow. This past Sunday, when the hospital moved her to the ICU room, there was a snow covered Evergreen tree right outside her window, and she would have loved watching the snow accumulate on it!]
She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. [Annette made MANY fleece blankets for nieces, nephews, friends, and me(Redskins on one side, Virginia Tech on the other!) I see several faces here today who have benefited from her bed coverings!]
Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. [Annette was never worried about what would ultimately happen to her…she KNEW that she was in a right relationship with God! This verse mentions laughing, man, did I love to hear her laugh!!]
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.’ Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.” (Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV) [Annette spoke wisdom, she spoke and lived kindness, she was not an idle person, and her boys indeed called her “blessed.” And I, as her husband for almost twenty years, LOVED to praise her, spoil her, make her laugh, and just live life in Him together. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside, and I am truly blessed to have called Annette Lear my wife, my best friend, and my sister in Christ.]
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Saturday evening thought from July 26,2014...
Beautiful sunset, a campfire, and the Word as I go over my notes for tomorrow. We're looking at Mark 4, the sower and the seed. Thinking through all He is leading, carrying, and at times dragging me through..."His Grace is Enough" by Matt Maher just came on...yeah, God, I get it. Still don't like it from my earthly viewpoint, still trust Your perfect, Heavenly view. "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." (Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV) And now "Your Love Never Fails (One Thing Remains)" is playing...God rocks. Period.
Thursday, July 24, 2014
Emotions...from Thursday, July 24, 2014
A mixture of emotions as I prepare to preach this Sunday for the first time without my favorite critic (Annette Lewis Lear)...though I'm sure I've got plenty of my Mason Dixon Baptist Church Family who will fill in for her!! It's been a good week of VBS, though definitely VERY tough at times. Excited to see where the Missions Offering ends up tomorrow as it is going towards Gospel for Asia Jesus Wells! Just in case you'd like to give, here is the link: https://www.mygfa.org/426/
Saturday, July 19, 2014
I Miss Her...Saturday, July 19, 2014
The past month has been filled, again, with firsts without Annette Lewis Lear. The first Mission Trip without her, the first vacation without her, and next week is the first VBS without her in about 23 years, as we served together even before we were married.
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
The past month has been filled, again, with firsts without Annette Lewis Lear. The first Mission Trip without her, the first vacation without her, and next week is the first VBS without her in about 23 years, as we served together even before we were married.
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
I miss her...which I know is a ridiculous understatement, but I mean, I really just miss her. I missed packing up for our trips without her. I missed processing the Mission Trip each night, having her give me some "guidance" for the next day. I missed driving for hours without having her to sing along to crazy 80's songs, Worship songs, Sinatra, Bon Jovi, Def Leppard, Buble, and definitely Garth. I missed seeing her on the beach with the boys as they would pick up seashells and "treasures" out of the sand. I missed walking on the beach, holding her hand, just hearing the waves and talking about everything and nothing. I miss texting her little love notes throughout the day, coming home to see all she did for our family while I was at the office. I miss getting ready to have company over and getting the last minute details done together. I miss taking bike rides on the trail, sitting around the campfire until late at night. I miss feeling her freezing cold hands and feet against me as she climbed into bed (I used to accuse her of running them under the cold water before coming to bed!). I miss reaching back and feeling her there, telling her I loved her as the last thing we said to one another each night. I miss seeing her do her different Bible studies, and talking with her about what God was doing in her life, and learning from her and with her. I just miss her.
Now, I'm not sitting around wallowing in self-pity, I'm just sharing brutally, honestly and as transparently as I can about where life has me right now. I am still not mad at God, I still believe this is all part of His perfect plan that I wouldn't understand if He told me about it, and I know that He has great blessings for me today and for the future. I am finding myself daily asking God to take any anxiety (which is not something I am used to dealing with), to take my concern about the future, and to take any fear I have. To give me His wisdom, and the desire to follow that wisdom! I am trying to be the Godly man, dad and pastor that He has called me to be. It's not easy. I fail often. But I continue to strive to follow Him, trust Him, allow Him to have HIS way in my life.
I would appreciate the continued prayers as I try to get back to being more of myself. I'm learning about who I am as a single man, a single dad, a widower...wow, it's surreal and strange to even type those words, but it's where God has me right now. Please forgive me for being forgetful, sometimes distant, sometimes just odd (which I can't fully blame on Annette's passing!!), and sometimes brutally honest. Trust that I am taking steps each day toward growing, that I'm not sitting around in a deep dark place, that I realize what is going on, but that I'm figuring out what "normal" is for me now. I'm "Learning to Live Again" (circa Garth, 1993). I appreciate the prayers and thoughts of so many for me and the boys over this time in our lives!
In Him, constantly seeking Him,
Joey
Sunday, July 6, 2014
7 Months...Sunday, July 6, 2014
Today marks 7 months since Annette Lewis Lear finished her race here on earth and went to be with the Lord. It's still very surreal at times, and I miss the best friend I did everything with every single day. But even through the tough days, such as missing her on my first vacation without her for over 20 years, God graciously brings to mind all the great memories we made together. We served Him together on missions trips, vacationed together, laughed OFTEN AND DAILY, worked on our home together, raised our boys together, and tried to honor Him in our lives and our marriage. There have been many times lately when something neat happened to me, and the first thing I thought of doing was picking up the phone and calling her, which is exactly what I did for over 20 years...she was the one I wanted to tell first about anything good, hard, bad, or happy that happened in my life. But I am adjusting, I am still absolutely trusting God's perfect plan for His ultimate glory. I still know that He has me and the boys in His grip, and that He is doing a great work in our lives and in our futures.
Today, on this 7-month anniversary, I will be spending the day at Annette's favorite place to visit, the beach. I'm sure that there will be great joy watching Brian dig for sand crabs and trying to keep every seashell that he finds. I'm sure there will be waves of emotion that hit me as I recall all the great times and the absolute joy on my Annette's face as she watched the sunset and sunrise like it was either her first or last each time. And I'm sure that God has got me right where He wants me...in total reliance on Him. I look forward to Him allowing me to share our story with men's groups, ladies groups, teens, and individuals. And as a confirmation...I am sitting at Ihop with Brian as I write this and one of the workers brought our meals out. I looked up to ask her if there was anything we could pray about for her, and saw that her name is Annette!! Now, this sweet Caribbean lady did not physically resemble Annette , but what an extra joy to share about our Annette quickly and to tell her how much she loved Jesus!!
Thank you for your continued prayer for us. I got to talk to Michael Lear yesterday, and he's doing well and sounded great (an octave or two lower!). Brian Lear and I are just over half way through our time away from home, and I feel like somewhere around last Wednesday, I finally felt totally relaxed. We are looking forward to visiting many of you on our "tour" home. I can truly feel the words of Paul in Philippians 1:3-5, and can say with confidence that "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Today, on this 7-month anniversary, I will be spending the day at Annette's favorite place to visit, the beach. I'm sure that there will be great joy watching Brian dig for sand crabs and trying to keep every seashell that he finds. I'm sure there will be waves of emotion that hit me as I recall all the great times and the absolute joy on my Annette's face as she watched the sunset and sunrise like it was either her first or last each time. And I'm sure that God has got me right where He wants me...in total reliance on Him. I look forward to Him allowing me to share our story with men's groups, ladies groups, teens, and individuals. And as a confirmation...I am sitting at Ihop with Brian as I write this and one of the workers brought our meals out. I looked up to ask her if there was anything we could pray about for her, and saw that her name is Annette!! Now, this sweet Caribbean lady did not physically resemble Annette , but what an extra joy to share about our Annette quickly and to tell her how much she loved Jesus!!
Thank you for your continued prayer for us. I got to talk to Michael Lear yesterday, and he's doing well and sounded great (an octave or two lower!). Brian Lear and I are just over half way through our time away from home, and I feel like somewhere around last Wednesday, I finally felt totally relaxed. We are looking forward to visiting many of you on our "tour" home. I can truly feel the words of Paul in Philippians 1:3-5, and can say with confidence that "I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Today I am leaving for nearly a month. I am heading to Morgantown, WV with 65 others from Mason Dixon Baptist Church for a week to be the Hands and Feet of Christ. Then Brian and I are heading to Florida for 2 weeks before traveling home and stopping to see family and friends in VA. Excitement and lots of other feelings while packing for Brian and I yesterday, missing our Packing Boss, Annette Lewis Lear. Even running around stressed for last minute stuff was better with her! This will be the first missions trip without her (yet another first I hadn't even thought of until last night). Feeling great peace, however, and still trusting God's perfect plan. If you have that special someone today, love on them and cherish every moment! Take that extra minute to be with your kids. Make sure you are making your life count, not for anything in this world, but for the One who created you and loves you in spite of yourself. I'm doing well, knowing no matter what, God's got this. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him." Ephesians 1:3-4
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Rightly timed song...Tuesday, June 8, 2014
I would say that I can't believe it's been half of a year today since Annette went to be with the Lord. It would be more accurate to say that I don't want to believe it! This song came at a great time as I walked the dog this morning and reminded me, again, that He is FOR me, He was for Annette, He's for my future, and He's for my life honoring Him and pointing others to Him. Maybe my hardest Sunday morning yet, but I'm choosing to look to Him and not my sadness, not my loneliness, and not my weakness...I know that He is for me!! http://youtu.be/_35gB76xV_Y
Saturday, June 7, 2014
Saturday Evenings...Monday, June 7, 2014
Sitting here watching tv, reflecting on 20 years of Saturday evenings hanging out with Annette Lewis Lear...can't believe tomorrow marks 6 months since she went to be with the Lord. Seems, in some ways, like it just happened, but feels like it's been years since I've held her. Still trusting God's perfect plan even if I'm still not liking it. Thanks so much for all the continued support in so many ways. Getting back to feeling like me again, which is strange since I never imagined a me without Annette. But, again, "...I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day." (from 2 Timothy 1:12 NKJV)
Monday, May 26, 2014
Monday, May 26, 2014
Prayers are appreciated for the Lear Boys (yes, still!)...tomorrow I will be dropping my youngest son off at a Christian Boys Ranch in Illinois for about a year long program. This is similar to the one he was taking part in last year in Vermont before they had to close for awhile due to staff shortage. Michael is willing to be there and we are praying he can get to the bottom of his struggles and give them over to God. Thanks for all of the support, prayer and love that is continually shown to us!
Monday, May 12, 2014
Happy Birthday, Annette - Part 2...Monday, May 12, 2014
Shared some favorite things about Annette Lewis Lear and then capped our evening off by releasing some red balloons in her memory. Thank you Lord for such an incredible lady and awesome testimony of what it means to live for You!! 
Happy Birthday, Annette - Part 1...May 12, 2014
Celebrating what would have been my favorite girl's 43rd Birthday today by posting some pics...a few that she would NOT approve of God got us through yesterday, and I am so thankful that even after hard days, His mercies are new every morning! Miss her like crazy, but she's with her Savior, the greatest gift of all. Thank you for all the texts, calls, messages and hugs yesterday...I sit here this morning a truly blessed man! God even let me hear a few tunes this morning that reminded me of her even more. The boys and I shared some cool laughs, particularly when we heard Notorious B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa," which is what I'm known as around the Lear household. Also, while I'm sharing things that would be sure to embarrass her, I'll let you know that Annette's nickname was "Pretty Mama." Hoping to light some luminaries tonight in Annette's memory. Thanks for continued prayer!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Mother's Day...Sunday, May 11, 2014
A rough day today as Mom's are celebrated, but I am blessed beyond measure to have had Annette Lewis Lear and Sharon Lear in my life! Miss them both...I LOVED spoiling Annette on this day and her birthday, which is tomorrow. Here are a few of my favorite verses from Proverbs 31 that remind me SO much of my girl:
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
(Almost) Five Month Update...
It is so hard to believe that this coming Monday will be 5 months since Annette entered into the presence of her Savior, Jesus Christ. Wow, what a season of life this has been! I want to give some updates on what’s going on with “The New Normal for the Lear Boys.” Now, in a home with special needs kids, we seldom use the word “normal,” because who determines what constitutes a “normal” child? But, I won’t get on that soapbox…for now.
Let me first just say thanks to all of you who continue to send messages, emails, texts, calls, cards and ESPECIALLY prayers. Even though I’m not able to respond to them all, I read them, and I continue to marvel at the support and love that God has brought into our lives…I am so blessed with friendship and family, and that alone seems to be the tool the Lord uses OFTEN to get me through many days.
The first three months without Annette seemed to find me doing what I tend to do so naturally, and that’s doing things. I am, by nature, a doer and a solver/fixer. So I did what any good man of strong faith would do who has this skill-set…I started trying to solve and fix all the things that were anxiously going through my mind! I received some excellent advice from folks who had gone through just what I had gone through, and I read much about how you shouldn’t make any major decisions for an extended period of time. Armed with this excellent advice and counsel, I basically crumpled it all up and filed it under: “I see your lips moving, but I’m not hearing what you’re saying.” This is a file that Annette was ALL too familiar with in my life’s file cabinet!
Then, somewhere around the end of the first three months, which is about the time that so many of those same great friends had told me I may hit a wall (though I didn’t believe that, either!)…I hit a wall. I was thinking to myself one Tuesday afternoon that it would be great to get away for a day or two and just spend some time praying and listening to God, but I knew it would be hard to do with the boys. Well, that Saturday morning, God let me know that He was going to give me two straight days alone with Him, and I didn’t even have to leave the house…or my room…or my bed. God used my time with the stomach bug to get my undivided attention. There was some incredible time of prayer over that two day stretch, prayer like I hadn’t been able to have since losing Annette. It seemed for the first three months, the only thing I could ask was that the Holy Spirit would intercede on my behalf, since I just couldn’t even think of what to pray for or about (other than my loneliness and the boys, of course). Those two days were needed so much more than I could’ve imagined!
In my last update, I shared about purchasing the Laundromat, which Annette and I had wanted to do a year earlier…well, the first thing that became so apparent to me during my weekend of stomach junk and clarity with the Lord, was that it was the absolute wrong decision. Psychologically, I think I was trying to take something that she and I had wanted together, and plug it into the here and now, thinking it would be like having a part of her here again. God made it clear to me that right now is the season for me to be Dad, Pastor and pretty much nothing else. I told God over that weekend that I didn’t care what it took, that I would get things simplified to those things I knew He wanted me using my time and energy to fulfill. I honestly do not have the emotional or physical ability right now to make any decisions outside of the required areas of my life. This was a very humbling experience for me to go through. Some of you may know that I come from a long line of hard-headedness…I mean I’ve got Lear, Polk, Miller, and Funkhouser, all mixed with a HUGE dose of straight-up Mt. Jackson, Shenandoah County, Virginia running through my veins!! BUT, this was a time to sit my boys down and explain that I had made an alright business decision at a completely wrong time, and that God was going to walk me/us through the process of fixing it. And He has, as today the sale of the Laundromat is being made official. I certainly won’t be winning the “Entrepreneur of the Year,” but I have a peace that is explainable only in and because of my obedience to Him!
One other area that God really gave me clarity about during our two-day session is my ministry. He clearly re-confirmed my calling, which I desperately needed. I was convinced that the time it took to raise my boys, all the appointments that I must attend, all the time required to just be present with them, were all too much for me to be able to continue in my position. I basically did not let the church be the Church. But after getting this re-confirmation of my calling to continue serving Him as a pastor, one of my best friends in this world, my Senior Pastor, Terry Felton, gave me some much needed advice: “chill out!” He may have thrown the word “idiot” in there, as well (yes, we have that awesome of a relationship!). He helped me see that even though it feels many weeks like I’m not able to be in the office as much as I would like, I’m getting done what the church’s expectations have always been of me. Now, Mason Dixon Baptist Church has had no expectations outside of me serving as God leads right now, these were expectations I put completely on myself. In case you missed it, you may need to refer to the above paragraph dealing with my hard-headedness. I’ve taken Terry’s advice, and I have chilled out, and MDBC has been the most loving, caring, church it could possibly be…they have been a model of what THE Church is supposed to be!
The boys and I are getting more and more settled into the new home, and we all love it. I am renting our old house out for a year, and then I’ll make a decision on what to do with it. The new home was a major decision, but one that I’m definitely okay with, and one that God has blessed us with tremendously. We look forward to many of you coming to see it and even stay with us, as there is plenty of space. The old place is hard to revisit, which surprised me, as I’ve never been one to tie emotional feelings to material things. Every time I step in that house, I see the colors that Annette and I picked out together, the flooring we chose together, and the rooms where we shared our thoughts, our dreams and our love together for 6-1/2 years. I will be moving many of the shrubs that we planted together to the new home, which I’m excited about!
There are many hard moments, many hard days, and some hard weeks. In this year of firsts without Annette, Easter Sunday was tough. I got through the morning okay, and had a great afternoon, as the world’s greatest Big Sis, Anissa Powers, brought her family up and fixed Easter lunch just like Annette would have done…she even made extras for leftovers AND my Nanny’s homemade Coconut Cake!! That afternoon, after Nesi, Matt and the boys had left, I was thumbing through Facebook. I was enjoying seeing all the family Easter pictures, and then the wave hit me, reminding me that I’d never have that again with Annette. The difference now is that when the waves hit me, I just deal with them. If I feel a cry coming on, I let it come. I am taking the advice of so much of the great material I’ve read on grieving, and I’m trying to do it well. The waves can hit at times like just last evening as I prepared Swiss steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans (that Annette canned last summer). This was one of our favorite meals to prepare together, and it turned out delicious, but I let the wave pass over me and thought of all the incredible memories we made cooking together, working in the yard together, watching mindless TV together, raising our boys together…it stinks, but it’s where life is now, and most importantly, it’s where God has me now!
I still do NOT like God’s plan right now, but I still ABSOLUTELY trust it. I know that He never makes mistakes. I know that His plans are always perfect. And I know He is still working His plan out in my life, which means as I follow Him, it will be perfect in Him. I still don’t understand the why, when and even what in the world…but I do understand that He loves me and desires nothing but the BEST for me and the boys. I still covet the prayers of you, my friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who know and love the Lord! You may not hear much from me throughout the month of May, as it was a big month with Annette…Mother’s Day, Annette’s birthday, our Anniversary (would have been 20 years), and Linden’s birthday. Yeah, it’ll be a tough month, but I know God will walk me through.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV
Praying, Walking, Trusting…
Joey
Let me first just say thanks to all of you who continue to send messages, emails, texts, calls, cards and ESPECIALLY prayers. Even though I’m not able to respond to them all, I read them, and I continue to marvel at the support and love that God has brought into our lives…I am so blessed with friendship and family, and that alone seems to be the tool the Lord uses OFTEN to get me through many days.
The first three months without Annette seemed to find me doing what I tend to do so naturally, and that’s doing things. I am, by nature, a doer and a solver/fixer. So I did what any good man of strong faith would do who has this skill-set…I started trying to solve and fix all the things that were anxiously going through my mind! I received some excellent advice from folks who had gone through just what I had gone through, and I read much about how you shouldn’t make any major decisions for an extended period of time. Armed with this excellent advice and counsel, I basically crumpled it all up and filed it under: “I see your lips moving, but I’m not hearing what you’re saying.” This is a file that Annette was ALL too familiar with in my life’s file cabinet!
Then, somewhere around the end of the first three months, which is about the time that so many of those same great friends had told me I may hit a wall (though I didn’t believe that, either!)…I hit a wall. I was thinking to myself one Tuesday afternoon that it would be great to get away for a day or two and just spend some time praying and listening to God, but I knew it would be hard to do with the boys. Well, that Saturday morning, God let me know that He was going to give me two straight days alone with Him, and I didn’t even have to leave the house…or my room…or my bed. God used my time with the stomach bug to get my undivided attention. There was some incredible time of prayer over that two day stretch, prayer like I hadn’t been able to have since losing Annette. It seemed for the first three months, the only thing I could ask was that the Holy Spirit would intercede on my behalf, since I just couldn’t even think of what to pray for or about (other than my loneliness and the boys, of course). Those two days were needed so much more than I could’ve imagined!
In my last update, I shared about purchasing the Laundromat, which Annette and I had wanted to do a year earlier…well, the first thing that became so apparent to me during my weekend of stomach junk and clarity with the Lord, was that it was the absolute wrong decision. Psychologically, I think I was trying to take something that she and I had wanted together, and plug it into the here and now, thinking it would be like having a part of her here again. God made it clear to me that right now is the season for me to be Dad, Pastor and pretty much nothing else. I told God over that weekend that I didn’t care what it took, that I would get things simplified to those things I knew He wanted me using my time and energy to fulfill. I honestly do not have the emotional or physical ability right now to make any decisions outside of the required areas of my life. This was a very humbling experience for me to go through. Some of you may know that I come from a long line of hard-headedness…I mean I’ve got Lear, Polk, Miller, and Funkhouser, all mixed with a HUGE dose of straight-up Mt. Jackson, Shenandoah County, Virginia running through my veins!! BUT, this was a time to sit my boys down and explain that I had made an alright business decision at a completely wrong time, and that God was going to walk me/us through the process of fixing it. And He has, as today the sale of the Laundromat is being made official. I certainly won’t be winning the “Entrepreneur of the Year,” but I have a peace that is explainable only in and because of my obedience to Him!
One other area that God really gave me clarity about during our two-day session is my ministry. He clearly re-confirmed my calling, which I desperately needed. I was convinced that the time it took to raise my boys, all the appointments that I must attend, all the time required to just be present with them, were all too much for me to be able to continue in my position. I basically did not let the church be the Church. But after getting this re-confirmation of my calling to continue serving Him as a pastor, one of my best friends in this world, my Senior Pastor, Terry Felton, gave me some much needed advice: “chill out!” He may have thrown the word “idiot” in there, as well (yes, we have that awesome of a relationship!). He helped me see that even though it feels many weeks like I’m not able to be in the office as much as I would like, I’m getting done what the church’s expectations have always been of me. Now, Mason Dixon Baptist Church has had no expectations outside of me serving as God leads right now, these were expectations I put completely on myself. In case you missed it, you may need to refer to the above paragraph dealing with my hard-headedness. I’ve taken Terry’s advice, and I have chilled out, and MDBC has been the most loving, caring, church it could possibly be…they have been a model of what THE Church is supposed to be!
The boys and I are getting more and more settled into the new home, and we all love it. I am renting our old house out for a year, and then I’ll make a decision on what to do with it. The new home was a major decision, but one that I’m definitely okay with, and one that God has blessed us with tremendously. We look forward to many of you coming to see it and even stay with us, as there is plenty of space. The old place is hard to revisit, which surprised me, as I’ve never been one to tie emotional feelings to material things. Every time I step in that house, I see the colors that Annette and I picked out together, the flooring we chose together, and the rooms where we shared our thoughts, our dreams and our love together for 6-1/2 years. I will be moving many of the shrubs that we planted together to the new home, which I’m excited about!
There are many hard moments, many hard days, and some hard weeks. In this year of firsts without Annette, Easter Sunday was tough. I got through the morning okay, and had a great afternoon, as the world’s greatest Big Sis, Anissa Powers, brought her family up and fixed Easter lunch just like Annette would have done…she even made extras for leftovers AND my Nanny’s homemade Coconut Cake!! That afternoon, after Nesi, Matt and the boys had left, I was thumbing through Facebook. I was enjoying seeing all the family Easter pictures, and then the wave hit me, reminding me that I’d never have that again with Annette. The difference now is that when the waves hit me, I just deal with them. If I feel a cry coming on, I let it come. I am taking the advice of so much of the great material I’ve read on grieving, and I’m trying to do it well. The waves can hit at times like just last evening as I prepared Swiss steak, mashed potatoes, and green beans (that Annette canned last summer). This was one of our favorite meals to prepare together, and it turned out delicious, but I let the wave pass over me and thought of all the incredible memories we made cooking together, working in the yard together, watching mindless TV together, raising our boys together…it stinks, but it’s where life is now, and most importantly, it’s where God has me now!
I still do NOT like God’s plan right now, but I still ABSOLUTELY trust it. I know that He never makes mistakes. I know that His plans are always perfect. And I know He is still working His plan out in my life, which means as I follow Him, it will be perfect in Him. I still don’t understand the why, when and even what in the world…but I do understand that He loves me and desires nothing but the BEST for me and the boys. I still covet the prayers of you, my friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who know and love the Lord! You may not hear much from me throughout the month of May, as it was a big month with Annette…Mother’s Day, Annette’s birthday, our Anniversary (would have been 20 years), and Linden’s birthday. Yeah, it’ll be a tough month, but I know God will walk me through.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4, ESV
Praying, Walking, Trusting…
Joey
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
100 Day Update...Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Today marks 100 days since I lost my best friend, confidant, co-laborer for Christ, lover, biggest supporter of my dreams, parenting partner and so much more. BUT, and most importantly, today marks 100 days since Annette entered the presence of her Savior, Jesus Christ! I still don't like God's plan, but I still trust it completely.
So many of you have been praying for me and the boys constantly, and I continue to covet those prayers. There have been some rough days for me over the past few weeks. We celebrated Brian's 17th birthday, which was our first holiday type of day since losing Annette. There were lots of memories stirred as we prepared to move into our new home...great memories, but almost proportional is the hurt of just plain missing her. There was the stack of pictures that we used at the Memorial Service in December that I hadn't put away yet but then found as I began packing the garage up last week. Then, today, I was struck by the memories of all the special things Annette did for Brian's classrooms over the years as they celebrated the 100th day of school...the cupcakes made, the silly games they played, and just her love for being able to be a part of the boys' lives and schools. There was the constant excitement over seeing the painting, flooring and decorating come together and wanting to call her to tell her all about the daily changes in the new house.
There have been more and more smiles and laughter happening within our family, and we talk about Annette (mom) often. We thank God often as we pray together that we had such a great life with her, and that we will all three continue to adjust well to life without her here.
Your patience with me is greatly appreciated as I continue to try to find my stride and focus again. I am a "cope by doing" personality by nature, though I'm really trying to slow down now that these big transitions have (hopefully) hit their climaxes. I am constantly trying to "be still and know that He is God." I still struggle with even knowing how exactly to pray for much of what is going on in life and in my spirit. I hold on to Romans 8:26-28, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)
If you are traveling anywhere near the Lear Boys, we would love for you to stop by and visit!
Until the next update, Joey
So many of you have been praying for me and the boys constantly, and I continue to covet those prayers. There have been some rough days for me over the past few weeks. We celebrated Brian's 17th birthday, which was our first holiday type of day since losing Annette. There were lots of memories stirred as we prepared to move into our new home...great memories, but almost proportional is the hurt of just plain missing her. There was the stack of pictures that we used at the Memorial Service in December that I hadn't put away yet but then found as I began packing the garage up last week. Then, today, I was struck by the memories of all the special things Annette did for Brian's classrooms over the years as they celebrated the 100th day of school...the cupcakes made, the silly games they played, and just her love for being able to be a part of the boys' lives and schools. There was the constant excitement over seeing the painting, flooring and decorating come together and wanting to call her to tell her all about the daily changes in the new house.
There have been more and more smiles and laughter happening within our family, and we talk about Annette (mom) often. We thank God often as we pray together that we had such a great life with her, and that we will all three continue to adjust well to life without her here.
Your patience with me is greatly appreciated as I continue to try to find my stride and focus again. I am a "cope by doing" personality by nature, though I'm really trying to slow down now that these big transitions have (hopefully) hit their climaxes. I am constantly trying to "be still and know that He is God." I still struggle with even knowing how exactly to pray for much of what is going on in life and in my spirit. I hold on to Romans 8:26-28, "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)
If you are traveling anywhere near the Lear Boys, we would love for you to stop by and visit!
Until the next update, Joey
Thursday, January 30, 2014
52 Days ago...
It’s now been 52 days since my sweet Annette went to be with Jesus. In some respects, it seems like it was yesterday when we said “I love you” to one another, for one last time, in the Youth Room at MDBC while waiting for the paramedics to arrive. In other ways, it seems like it has been years since I was able to put my arms around Annette; to take our regular Friday date day and talk about life over lunch at Chipotle; to lay in bed at night and just laugh about something ridiculous one of the boys said or did; to worship and serve our Lord together…I’m sure you get the point.
I cannot express in words (or effectively in any other manner) my thanks for the MANY meals, gift cards for meals out, hugs, texts, emails, Facebook messages, and most importantly, prayers on behalf of me and the boys. We are all three doing well overall, and there have been some truly touching and sincere conversations between the three of us. This, in and of itself, is quite an accomplishment for those of you who know my boys, and it’s a real blessing from the Lord to be able to share His Word and to just remember the MANY memories we have of Annette.
I have been doing well as I continue to adjust to life as I now know it. Most days, the memories that flash through my mind of my sweet little lady are ones that bring a smile to my face, like an 80’s power ballad on the radio that we would belt out together. Today, however, was one of those days that tested me. I was working on completing reimbursements that had been piling up since early December in my office, and as I turned a page, there was the sign-up sheet for our Youth Christmas Outing, which took place on Saturday, December 7, the night before Annette's aneurysm. Annette’s name was second under mine at the top of the list where we typically signed. I sat there for a good three minutes and just stared at her name. I sat there and remembered the awesome time we had with 40 of our best friends/youth from MDBC as we went to Ryan’s Buffet (or “the Trough,” as Annette called it!) and caroling to many of our widows/shut-ins from MDBC. Annette was driving one of the vans, and as we left the last house, we drove around a roundabout. The normal once around wasn’t enough for her, and two times were not enough...Annette proceeded around for a third time, and I could see her laughing like crazy from my van. What an awesome thing she spent her last night on this earth doing…fellowship with great friends, worshiping God by singing songs about Him to those who have lost those closest to them, and just finding fun in the simple-ness of life! It was just like Annette to be concerned about others, to want to spend time with those she was closest to in His name, and to have some spontaneous fun driving around a roundabout like she was dipping into turn four at Bristol Motor Speedway!!! After I had a nice, long cry, I prayed and once again thanked God for the time that He allowed me to have with this incredible lady. I miss her like crazy, but God is bringing glimpses of joy back into my life, and I know that He will continue until my full joy is restored!
Finally, I want to make sure folks have the correct information about the most recent venture for me and the boys. Last Saturday, we went and checked out a foreclosed house in a nearby development (Logan’s Reserve, for our local friends). The boys loved it (as did I), and I decided to put in an offer, which, to my surprise, was accepted!! The home is less than 8 years old, and just needs paint and some flooring replaced. The boys are busy telling EVERYONE that we’re moving, usually leaving off the part about “just to another house in the area.” Sorry if they got anyone riled up! God is so good, and He continues to offer grace sufficient for each day. I have been evaluating a LOT recently about what He has done in my life for the first 43 years, and I am truly excited about what He has in store for the next phase of life. I purpose to live my life for Him whatever the journey, to enjoy every day, and to do all I can so that one day I will hear, as my sweet Annette and her incredible dad, Linden, have already heard, “well done, good and faithful servant!”
Thanks again for all you are doing for us! MDBC, thanks for being the church that you are called to be, and for providing enough food to feed a third world country! Pastor Terry Felton, my Senior Pastor (ten years my junior!), and one of my best friends is leading MDBC exceptionally well through this season. I received a special surprise from our good friends at Stewartstown Baptist today, as they delivered a container full of packages of candy bars, some fresh baked cookies, and a BUNCH of cards from their members. The coolest thing was the huge stack of homemade cards that their Awana Clubbers wrote and colored for us…some of it was not necessarily the stuff of theological textbooks, but what a great feeling it was to read the prayers of these precious children on behalf of me and the boys…good job Pastor Lee Peoples!!
Until our next update…
Joey
I cannot express in words (or effectively in any other manner) my thanks for the MANY meals, gift cards for meals out, hugs, texts, emails, Facebook messages, and most importantly, prayers on behalf of me and the boys. We are all three doing well overall, and there have been some truly touching and sincere conversations between the three of us. This, in and of itself, is quite an accomplishment for those of you who know my boys, and it’s a real blessing from the Lord to be able to share His Word and to just remember the MANY memories we have of Annette.
I have been doing well as I continue to adjust to life as I now know it. Most days, the memories that flash through my mind of my sweet little lady are ones that bring a smile to my face, like an 80’s power ballad on the radio that we would belt out together. Today, however, was one of those days that tested me. I was working on completing reimbursements that had been piling up since early December in my office, and as I turned a page, there was the sign-up sheet for our Youth Christmas Outing, which took place on Saturday, December 7, the night before Annette's aneurysm. Annette’s name was second under mine at the top of the list where we typically signed. I sat there for a good three minutes and just stared at her name. I sat there and remembered the awesome time we had with 40 of our best friends/youth from MDBC as we went to Ryan’s Buffet (or “the Trough,” as Annette called it!) and caroling to many of our widows/shut-ins from MDBC. Annette was driving one of the vans, and as we left the last house, we drove around a roundabout. The normal once around wasn’t enough for her, and two times were not enough...Annette proceeded around for a third time, and I could see her laughing like crazy from my van. What an awesome thing she spent her last night on this earth doing…fellowship with great friends, worshiping God by singing songs about Him to those who have lost those closest to them, and just finding fun in the simple-ness of life! It was just like Annette to be concerned about others, to want to spend time with those she was closest to in His name, and to have some spontaneous fun driving around a roundabout like she was dipping into turn four at Bristol Motor Speedway!!! After I had a nice, long cry, I prayed and once again thanked God for the time that He allowed me to have with this incredible lady. I miss her like crazy, but God is bringing glimpses of joy back into my life, and I know that He will continue until my full joy is restored!
Finally, I want to make sure folks have the correct information about the most recent venture for me and the boys. Last Saturday, we went and checked out a foreclosed house in a nearby development (Logan’s Reserve, for our local friends). The boys loved it (as did I), and I decided to put in an offer, which, to my surprise, was accepted!! The home is less than 8 years old, and just needs paint and some flooring replaced. The boys are busy telling EVERYONE that we’re moving, usually leaving off the part about “just to another house in the area.” Sorry if they got anyone riled up! God is so good, and He continues to offer grace sufficient for each day. I have been evaluating a LOT recently about what He has done in my life for the first 43 years, and I am truly excited about what He has in store for the next phase of life. I purpose to live my life for Him whatever the journey, to enjoy every day, and to do all I can so that one day I will hear, as my sweet Annette and her incredible dad, Linden, have already heard, “well done, good and faithful servant!”
Thanks again for all you are doing for us! MDBC, thanks for being the church that you are called to be, and for providing enough food to feed a third world country! Pastor Terry Felton, my Senior Pastor (ten years my junior!), and one of my best friends is leading MDBC exceptionally well through this season. I received a special surprise from our good friends at Stewartstown Baptist today, as they delivered a container full of packages of candy bars, some fresh baked cookies, and a BUNCH of cards from their members. The coolest thing was the huge stack of homemade cards that their Awana Clubbers wrote and colored for us…some of it was not necessarily the stuff of theological textbooks, but what a great feeling it was to read the prayers of these precious children on behalf of me and the boys…good job Pastor Lee Peoples!!
Until our next update…
Joey
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